It's Been 2 years & I Still Miss Him,,

[sexy_pumpkin]

This week has been kinda hard for me, I've cried a lot, ask firehead30 lol, over fics & a certain TV show, that ended so badly, lots of things have been upsetting me & it's because I hate the month of January, this time 2yrs ago, my darling father had to have open heart surgery, for a heart condition that none of us knew about & I swear to you, I was not at all worried (how fucked is that) after all he was my Dad, he was the love of all our lives, so no way was he going anywhere, & I called the hospital every few hours, they told us not to come up (only my Mum went) as he was not up to it, give it a few days, so that's what I did, but then I started to get this bad feeling, I had a dream where he was calling to me, so I got up & called the hospital, they said he was fine, I told them to give him my love, that we would all be up the next day, being Australia Day to see him & I heard him say, that he couldn't wait.

But I couldn't sleep, so I got up & watched S2 of QaF, all by myself & at 1.30pm the phone rang, it was the hospital, we had to get there quick, my Dad had taken a turn for the worse. My husband drove my Mum & I, I called on the way, only to be told that my father had passed away & that she was very sorry, he had a stroke caused by a blood clot, I'm just glad I wasn't driving, I'll never forget that night & I'll be forever pissed, that I never went to see him, and now 2yrs later here we are again, still missing him, more in fact, the pain has lessened THANK God, but the memories remain, trust my Dad to die on Australia Day, he always did love a party :D, I love you Dad, still miss you, God bless,,your loving daughter,,J.xx

Comments

[brianswalk.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight*
My dad died (Feb. 3), Super Bowl Sunday. I can't even think of football without thinking of him. It will be 6 years next month, and yes, sometimes it still hurts.
If your dad loved a good party, then that's how you should celebrate him, J. Even if it's just you and him.:)

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

*hugs you back*
Aust Day is this Sat26th & we're all going to Mum's for a celebration dinner, all the family, his 7 grand-children who all adored him & we're going to celebrate the day, for him, we loved him so much, he'd be so proud of us all, thanks for the post,,love ya,,J.xx

[stephmck.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I've been thinking of you all. My love to you, your Mum & all the family ♥

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'll give Mum your love, just a little sad this week for us all,,BTW my header is back :P sorry to have bothered you, BUT you know how much I love my banner,,hugs J.xx

[shadownyc.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* I truly hope that with time the good memories will start to outweigh the sad memories of that terrible time.

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

I hope so to Shadow, thanks for the post, hope your well,,Jxx

[plumduff.livejournal.com]

Hugs to you Jackie. Keep your memories in your heart, one day the sad ones will fade along with the pain, and you will think about your dad with a spring in your step for the wonderful man he was.

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for your kind words, we just miss him so, enjoy your evening.xx

[luceononuro.livejournal.com]

I hear this story differently than you are feeling it...
and since it happened to you, obviously your experience is more legitmate, but, for what it's worth...
He called you and you heard him .... which means he knows you were there. That's how it works - this wasn't a premonition - you connected across time and space. When you let go of the pain of not being there - you can get in touch with the beauty of the fact that he came to you.... that you found a different way to be together.

I'll bet that's why he picked a celebration day to pass over - so you could always mark it with a party.

Your father sounds wonderful... after all look who he produced.

~~

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the beautiful words Luce, yes he was wonderful, everyone "really" liked him :) even the butcher came to his funeral, & it was 1.00AM that he came to me, I felt him all around me, we got the actual call at 1.30AM, I knew he'd gone somehow, so strange, yes we're having a celebration on Sat 26th Aust Day, he would have it NO other way,,love J.xx

BTW I sent you a Youtube link to a B&J video to your off-sight email addy, please watch it, it was my Dads fav song :P

[seanmegansean.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry this week has been so hard on you, Jackie.

Your dad sounds like such a wonderful person - like the others said, hopefully there'll come a time soon where the happy memories outweigh the sad.

♥

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

I hope so to :) thanks for your kind words, not long till your little friend arrives,,take care Love J.xx

[bernie-hessen.livejournal.com]

I totally understand what you mean. I still think of my dad and miss him (though not as often as I used to since it's been 16years). I, however, still think of my mom every single day and it's getting close to 2 years since she died also :-(

A/

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Hugs you tight!! yes I know, & I truly believe that our parents bought us together for some reason lol, me here you there, Id just gotten back from NYC & Im still pissed that we missed each other by a few weeks, but not anymore, now your coming to see me in April & I can't wait, thanks for being there, love J.xx

[my2cats.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight*

My thoughts and love are with you,your mom and the rest of your family.

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Thank you my dearest friend, that's so nice to know, hope all is well with you & yours, did you see the B&J video that qafmaniac made for me? that song At Last, was my Dad's fav, it's very special to me,,love you 9 days till they ALL go back to school lol,,love ya,,J.xx

[hansardgal.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I wish I could be there and make you laugh. I know it's hard but as time passes it gets easier. Please give your mum a big hug for me. If you need to talk you know where I am.

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

You always make me laugh, that's why your such a dear friend to me,we may not have a whole lot in common :D but we do have lots of fun & of course your one of the many who GETS my Gale "thing" lol, thanks for being here & I know where to find you, did you hear about Heath Ledger, what a waste of life,,hugs J.xx

[rapunzel50.livejournal.com]

Oh Jackie, I am sad that you are sad.
I am not feeling that well at the moment, so maybe I am hyper sensitive, but I am sitting here with tears running down my face!
You are lucky you have such a wonderfully warm and caring family - wrap yourself in them and and the pain will be outweighed by the love.
My heart goes out to you and Vicky, lots of love to you all, at this (still) sad time.
Karen XXXX

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that your not feeling well, & I'm sorry I made you cry, & I'm grateful for all the love & well wishes, I just miss him, that's all & theres not a friggin thing I can do about it, & you know HOW much that pisses me off,,right? take care, have a great weekend, we'll all be togther at Mums, hope to see you next week some time, my love J.xx

WTF!!! what about Heath Ledger? life is to precious to waste :(

[wildsweet-angel.livejournal.com]

Dearest Jackie, Unfortunately, I understand everything you're going through. I wasn't prepared for my dad's death either, and I am still reeling from the effects. Wish I could be there to give you a hug and commiserate with you. Your dad sounds like he was a very special man. My love and prayers to you and your mom during this difficult time. Love you, T

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know you know, & I so wish you didn't, thanks for the kind words, he was the most special Dad ever, will see you soon, YES truly I am :P love to you & yours, God bless,,hugs J.xx

[bdeviled.livejournal.com]

I gave J lots of virtual hugs, but I have plenty more. *hugs* I know I've been missing lately, but I hope you know I'm always here if you need me...just a phone call or a train ride away.

[wildsweet-angel.livejournal.com]

Thanks M. I appreciate the offer. We haven't seen you for a long time. Glad to know that you're okay.

[mickiebg.livejournal.com]

Losing a parent is the worse kind of hell and I so feel for you:(( It's been years since my mother died and I still think of her often and catch myself wanting to pick up the phone and chat with her.

Life is such a precious thing, as you said in your comment about Heath. What a terrible waste of a beautiful man. He should have lived to be as old as your father, and could have had such a beautiful family. At least your Dad died a happy and fulfilled man which is really all you can hope for when it's your time to go.

Hope you and your family pass the weekend without too much sadness...

Hugs,
Michele

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Yeah he sure did, he would of had NO regrets, he lived his life to the fullest, never wanted anymore than he already had (which was US ALL) he lived for his family, especially his Grand-kids, he would of been SOOOOOOOOOOO PISSSSSSSSED that he died lol, he would never of wanted to leave us & it's true, when your gone all that's left is a memory, & everyone I know that knew & loved my Dad, still have that, he was so gorgeous, never cranky, made me LMAO he was actually there when I had Ryan, just outside the delivery suite, he cried & cried when he was born, he had never had a son, then I gave him 4 of them :) love you,,hugs J.xx

[litlemspowerful.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight*

xoxoxo,
~I

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

BIG hugs back to you, thanks for that, BTW my kids go back to school next week, the boys on the 29th & Miss Paris has her 1st day at big school on the 30th, so thanks for the fic, you can keep on writing them IF you wish, lots of sex & smut pleaseeeee :D love you, thanks for everything,,J.xx

[doppelganger44.livejournal.com]

You made me all teary-eyed and all. You're so brave to talk about your dad passing away and not seeing him. Made me think of my family who are all very far away from me. I haven't seen them in like 5 years. Tough *sigh*

I'm really sorry about your dad and thank you for sharing this memory...

*hugs*

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Sorry to have made you cry, didn't mean to, you haven't seen your family in 5 years, do they live a long way away from you? hows the final chapter going, have you posted it yet? I hope I didn't miss it,,love to you,,J.xx

[qafmaniac.livejournal.com]

*hughs you tight*

Love you,hon!

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the hugs, I could do with them, ILY<<J.xx

[bdeviled.livejournal.com]

*hugs and hugs and hugs*

I know how much you miss him and will continue to miss him every day. I hope you can take some comfort and joy in the fact that you had such a wonderful, loving man in your life, and that you had a special relationship with him. I never had that with my father, and I envy you that. He must have been a spectacular individual for a woman like your mother to have loved him, and to have raised a daughter like you. My thoughts are with you and your mom.

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for that, yes he was spectacular :P he was the best Dad ever, he loved us all so much, never needed anyone or anything else, he was the love of my Mums life & for 43 years she was blessed, take care, can't wait for more of your fic like NOT!! :P Ok so I know it'll end happily, but did you have to kill me in the meantime LOL,,hugs Jxx

[jairus-tobon.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry for your loss Sexy Pumpkin. My heart goes out to you and hope that you feel better as January draws to a close. I can relate. We've just come back home from my mother-in-law's funeral. She was my second mom and died totally unexpectedly. My husband is numb right now and I can't do anything to make it better for him. The loss of a parent is devastating. They are precious to our lives and so integral to our lives whether we are 10, 20, 50, or 60. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Hang in there.

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for you & your family, my husband loved my Dad, they were great mates, he misses him as much as I do, give my love to your husband, tell him IT does get better with time, the pain does go away a little, but he'll always have the memories, love & God Bless, thanks for your kind wishes,,J.xx

[galedreamer.livejournal.com]

Some pain only dulls, but never goes away. I'm sorry.

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for that, BTW did mmmorpheusq receive my package in the post? I hope she did, I sent it about 10 days ago now, just ask her for me OK, & if you could let me know, I'd appreciate it, I hope she's better, give her my love,,hugs J.xx

[galedreamer.livejournal.com]

I'll ask her specifically. I know she's received many cards from fellow LJers, but not sure about the package. She's having a hard time, even reading the cards is tough for her. The Memorial was only this past Saturday.

Thanks back.

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

I understand completely :( it was just a little butterfly it stained glass with a card, I hope she liked it,,bye J.x

[galedreamer.livejournal.com]

Morph received your package. She hasn't been able to acknowledge the kindness, but she will eventually. I know it means a lot to her. Thank you again.

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad it got there, no need for her to do anything, she is in my prayers & I know exactly how she feels, it's just so sad, it does take time, LOTS of it, God Bless her & all the family, thanks for the email,,love J.xx