You Never Really Know Who Your Friends Are,,,

[sexy_pumpkin]

I've had a friend, a good friend, known her for about 12 years & last year after my father died, I never heard from her, I think she called once, other times I would call her & she'd tell me how busy she'd been blah,blah & then we kinda lost contact with each other. I thought it was very strange, considering I had just lost my father & you need your friends around you, so many people were so kind & thoughful, it upset me at first, but life goes on as they say, she's also the Godmother to my only daughter & my husband is the Godfather to her son. I did call her at Xmas to wish them a happy holidays & I also told her about my trip to NY to see Gale & meet the girls from the LJ. Ive never heard from her since & today I found out why,,it seems she doesn't like my new "life style" which includes watching that "disgusting show Queer as Folk" & that people who watch that kind of thing are " weird & disgusting" as well, & that they're a bad influence on me & it's changed my whole personality & apparently my moral's as a wife & mother. WTF!!! I was so disappointed, I couldn't believe it, I really thought we were best friends, but who the hell knows huh? I will never call her again, by the way shes NEVER watched QaF, so how the fuck does she know, if shes never watched it. Its a shame as my daughter really likes her & asks where she is, I can't understand & I wont tolorate such small mindedness, so much for friends, & if I ever get the chance to tell her, I won't call her, its not worth my time & energy, I'll have to tell her, that my disgusting friends on the internet keep me going some days, are so kind & supportive that I don't need RL friends like her,,so thanks to you all, so glad we met,,hugs Sexy P

Comments

[court1429.livejournal.com]

Well, that's just really too bad. And completely ridiculous. She's certainly entitled not to watch the show and even to "disapprove of gayness" or whatever, but to chuck a 12-year friendship over a disagreement of what's appropriate for you to watch / do in your private life is beyond me. It's as if every other bit of common ground just doesn't count because you like QAF and playing on LJ. WTF?

I'm v.v. liberal politically and in all ways, really, and I have a friend who is 180 degrees opposite me. I mean, she LOVES Bush, Cheney, Gingrich, Rumsfeld, every right-winger who came down the pike. WTF?!?! lol. We just decided to agree to disagree on politics; we don't discuss it and we focus on the other things we have in common instead. *That's* the way grownups do things. Wouldn't you agree? ♥

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Yes I would agree & thanks so much for your kind words of support, I knew she didn't like the show whan early last year I mentioned it to her, but for Christ's sake, not to talk to me anymore, I do feel sad,but more disappointed, we were had some good times,,thanks again,,

[gaedhal.livejournal.com]

Really, what kind of person disses a friend because
of a television show? I don't care what show it is,
this is a supposed adult. If your kid did that to
a friend, you'd say, "Are you really that shallow
and immature?" -- and I'd say the same to an adult
who did it.

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

I know, thats why Im so mad, I can't bloody believe it, shes a grown woman for Gods sake, I really feel like ringing her up, but I won't, I'll end up saying things I don't want to & we still have her son to think of, he loves my husband, Oh well as BK would say "who gives a fuck!!!)

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

Sorry about your friend. We're here, though. :)

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

I know!!! & it means so much to me,,hugs you back.

[sildil]

Yuck. Been there myself in a similar position. I'm REALLY sorry you've come across such narrow mindedness and I know it hurts when it's supposed to be someone who you considered a good friend.

I am sure you are a GOOD wife and mother, bringing your daughter up to be tolerant and happy and relaxed with any sexuality and when she is older (if she isn't already!) she'll understand. My kids have totally supported me against that sort of pathetic behaviour.

Gah, too early in the morning to write more! xxx

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for your kind words of support & yes I am a good wife, though Mr Pumpkin might think otherwise lol, & I love my kids, good or bad, who ever they are & might be, & yes Miss 4yr old is a very happy & relaxed child, she even loves Justin *grins* wants to marry him when she grows up, loves the QaF music, sings all the songs with me in the car, she actually told the lady in the grocery store a few months back now,,"I'm going to marry Justin, he's so cute & Mummy's marrying Brian, you know that show QAF, its where men kiss each other, cause they're in love, but Im not allowed to watch it, because they dance & have sex" LOL,,I nearly died, LMAO & what the lady thought I'll never know, shame my friend can't be as open,,Goodnight,,

[dumbys-baby.livejournal.com]

Oh, honestly, how old is this woman? 12? My take on the matter is that if she dumps you after all these years over differences of opinion over a TV show, then she obviously didn't value your friendship in the first place. More the fool her, I say!
Hang in there, Sexy P, we're here for you (even if some of us can't comment as much as we'd like to...)

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Hey you, thanks so much for the post, we haven't chatted for ages, we'll have to have another LJ lunch asap, hows Uni going, thinking of you,,Sexy P

[bksbracelet.livejournal.com]

Sucks to be her baby, she misses out on being the friend of a truely lovely person and God mother to special kids. Her narrow view of life is unfortunate but let your pain go mate, and move on past. Hopefully one day you will get the opportunity to educate her on diversity and difference and looking at life through a broader lens.

Until then all us disgusting people will continue to chat and read yeehaw

love Chris

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Hello my darlin, I knew it was your post, before I clicked on lol, yes is it unfortunate & she'll miss out being a part of my darling Princess's life, thanks for your kind words of wisdom, I love you, even if you are "disgusting", what would I do without you,,,hugs Jackie xxxxxxx

[callie89.livejournal.com]

That is so sad. I can understand why the show may not be everyone's cup of tea but to just ditch a long standing friendship over a show that she has never even watched is petty and judgemental.

I am truly sorry that her actions have hurt you.

But at least you have us, your "weird and disgusting" flist who value your beliefs, your feelings, and most importantly who value you.
;-)

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Thankyou so much dear Callie, I'll be just fine, just disappointed I guess, & Im so lucky to have such "weird & disgusting" friends, you'll never know how much. Hope you are well, give my love to your Mom, hows Dr Dreamy going? lol,,hugs to you.

[critic75.livejournal.com]

I believe you have just suffered a very small part of the tail end of the outlash and persecution of homosexuals. You were judged guilty by association.

My own sister, was asking just last week what was the reason for my sudden (?) interest in gays? Why was I so involved?

Are my motives suspect?
God protect me from crackpot Christians, self-rightious do-gooders, up-tight sisters, and in your case, life-long friends.

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Amen to that!!! yes don't you just hate fucking do-gooders & we all have some deep dark secret, no ones "perfect",,thanks so much for the reply.

[paddies.livejournal.com]

Awwww, sweetie, I'm sorry!

But you know what? Fuck her. If she's so narrow minded and shallow you're better off without her and her "friendship".

*squeezes*

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Yeah I guess I am, but it still hurts, you know?? I can't believe it, honestly its so fucked!!! you never really know anyone do you? but I know you guys, as weird as you all are LOL,,& I'm so glad that your all here, what a wonderful, crazy, B&J, G&R world we live in,,I friggin love it!! thanks Gio, hope your well & work is a bit easier for you, did you smack your boss yet lol,,

[http://users.livejournal.com/malli_/]

it really sucks that she wasn't there for you ://

"seems she doesn't like my new "life style" which includes watching that "disgusting show Queer as Folk" & that people who watch that kind of thing are " weird & disgusting" as well, & that they're a bad influence on me & it's changed my whole personality & apparently my moral's as a wife & mother. WTF!!!"

Oh ... my ... god. No, really, you MUST be kidding O-O WHAT THE FUCK!?

"I'll have to tell her, that my disgusting friends on the internet keep me going some days, are so kind & supportive that I don't need RL friends like her,,so thanks to you all, so glad we met,,hugs Sexy P"

I know what you mean and how you feel. My IL friends are one of the main reasons why I don't wanna move back to my parents place tomorrow with their 56k moden -.-

Seriously, I can't believe that. She's your best friend! She always loved you for who you are and this fandom is a reason for her to not call or anything?
Oh gosh that's so sad.

I know this is a weak comfort and I know we both don't know each other that well yet but I am we all are always here for you :)

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

But thats the point, I know you're here & thats all that matters, I know if I asked you for something, if you could you'd do it. Ive known her for 12 yrs, but when I really needed her, she wasn't there!! but my special friends & the LJ was, after my Dad died, it was the only thing that kept me going some days, at nights when I couldn't sleep, down Id come & read hours of fanfic & everyones posts about this & that LOL, but she couldn't be bothered to ring me, because she didn't like my choice of TV show, OMFG, how fucked up is that,,oh well at least I know, & thanks for your lovely reply, its very much appreciated, have a good day, I think I'll watch 101 tonight, that would really piss her off!!!

[risa7.livejournal.com]

Holy Mary Mother of all things Holy, I just don't know what to say. I've had a bit of backlash because of the show and my supposedley very liberal viewpoint but it's always been from acquaintances, not people I would consider best friends. I just don't know what to say about someone who would let a TV show influence that long a friendship.
Even though I firmly believe that you are better off without this person in your (and your daughter's!) life, I am so sorry that you've lost a friend. It's always a difficult thing to find out that people aren't who we think they are.

Us "weird and disgusting" people love you *hugs*

ps. You know, I'm in the mood to go and watch some B/J now :D

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Can I come & watch it with you lol, 101, 110,& of course 122, how could anyone hate that??? thanks for your kind words, so glad we got together in Sydney, come back soon, hugs SP

[testdog65.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It amazes me that other people can be so intolerant. I’m very sorry that you’ve lost a friend. But someone who would judge you in such a way… Well, you’re probably better off without this person in your life. Hope you’re doing OK.

~Ellen

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Hi there dear Ellen, yes Im ok, a little sad of course, but I'll be fine, like you said I;m better off without her in my life, I thought better of her. Anyway how are you, hows your family, is it warming up there now? its starting to get cooler here, Im looking forward to the cooler weather, its been so hot here now for months. Thanks for the post, hows your fic writing going, my Mum read your RAW fic yesterday, she couldn't believe you wrote it LOL,, have a great day,,hugs Jackie

[hansardgal.livejournal.com]

I hate to say it but you're better off without you. For her to judge you in such a harsh way shows that she wasn't a true friend to start with. I won't comment further because I don't know anything about your friend. Just know that we are all here for you. We support you and we love you. You are a wonderful wife and mother. *big smooches*

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

I love your icon & its very appropriate LOL, yes I am better off without her, but we were really great friends, Im just sad it came to this, & thanks for saying Im a good wife & mother, it means alot to me, just as you do, so glad your computer is up & running again, I left a message on your phone, did you get it? see you soon, can't wait, hugs & smooches you right back.xxxxxoooooo

[wildsweet-angel.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain. As you've said, a true friend should be there for you especially in difficult times (like the passing of your dad). She wasn't there when you needed her,and if she is that ignorant in her thinking about QAF and the people who are fans of this TV show, then you are better off without her. You're a terrific mom and friend, and it's her loss if she doesn't realize that. *Hugs* T

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Ahhh thanks T, I'll be just fine, look at the support Ive received on the LJ tonight, its amazing & I feel very blessed to have you all & yes she wasn't there for me, but thats OK, because I don't need her, I got by without her help & with wonderful friends like you guys, I have more than enough friends. Have a wonderful time at Tribecca, wish I was there with you,,*waves* SP

[shadownyc.livejournal.com]

I am shocked and saddened by your friend's behavior. It's incredible that she is making judgments on your "lifestyle" without discussing any of this with you directly. It sounds a bit cowardly and narrow-minded to me, especially since she's never ventured out to watch an episode of QaF or discover why you like it.

While I can understand QaF not being someone's "cup of tea", making judgments about others and their likes and dislikes always disturbs me. I'm sad that your long-time friend couldn't be more forthcoming with you and accept your differences.

As one mother to another, I don't think my husband or children have suffered from my viewing of QaF or my connections in LJ. If anything they make me a better person and you are a terrific wife and mother from what I can surmise!

*****BIG HUGS*****

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Thankyou so very much Shadow, yes to hear from another friend of the family really pissed me off lol, but Im ok now, more disappointed than anything else, but it'll be fine, with all you guys to help me out, how can I go wrong. & yes watching QaF has made me a better person & a better mother, & like you we both love our families, so glad we met up in Jan, hopefully one day I'll be back to do it all again, I loved NY & GALE of course *grins* hope your son is enjoying his new school, love SP

[stephmck.livejournal.com]

OMG Jackie. That is just so sad. I'm sorry such small mindedness has cost you a friend, but I'm glad you have found so many more here who have enriched your life. *hugs you tight*

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Thanks dear Steph & yes I love my weird disgusting friends very much, so happy Im here, love & hugs to you,,Jackie PS Thanks for the call that night all those months ago, you'll never know,,

[sonofabiscuit77.livejournal.com]

That is one of the saddest and wierdest things I've heard in ages... WTF exactly!!! And this person has been your friend of 12 years and is your daughter's godparent??? That's really unbelievable and yes, totally out of order behaviour - what you like to watch and read has nothing to do with your friendship and certainly doesn't make you any less the great person and great friend you always were!

Personally, I tend to keep my love of all things QAF and hotmansex related to myself (save for my closest friends who are luckily very like-minded...) as I know there are a lot of close-minded, petty people out there and I'd rather not expose myself to their patheticness.

Oh well, take comfort in the fact you are not alone!!

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

But it wasn't like I talked to her about it all the time, I never saw her on a regular basis, she had moved away from the area, but we had always been close, but not anymore, Oh well, its her loss I guess, not for me, but for my daughter, shes a real cracker lol!!!! Thnaks again

I'm so sorry

[snowmore.livejournal.com]

I can understand your great disappointment in a friend whom you must have adored. In some ways, I have lost a friend to the internet. I'll send your an email later today (North America time). Take care of yourself. Robin

Re: I'm so sorry

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Thanks Robin, I look forward to hearing from you, now youre a friend I can count on for a good chat lol,,hugs

[kylemorrison.livejournal.com]

12 years is a long time and for her to just throw it all away must really hurt. I'm so sorry. It really is her loss because you are such a sweet, thoughtful woman. We're all here for you.

Ana

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Ahhh thanks so mucn Ana & yes it does hurt a little, but Im more pissed off than anything else, its unbelieveable really, but I'm fine, look how many "real" friends I have, thanks so much & I'm always here for you to,,,hugs

Friendship, values and what is important

[firehead30.livejournal.com]

Ahhhh Miss Sexy P,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. The truth of the matter is that I think QAF does change us. I don't see how you can watch the show and not be changed, for the better. *wraps you in a big hug*. Sometimes when people see something that threatens them they shut down, without exploring why they are defensive or exploring why they think the way they do. It is very sad to lose a friend, but the truth of the matter is this. A real friend, even if they completely disagree with you about something, when the chips are down they are there for you regardless of how they feel about whatever issue you don't see eye to eye on.

*hugs you again*

Re: Friendship, values and what is important

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Hey you, thanks for the lovely post & you're right QaF did change me, but for the better, in fact it changed my life in many ways, &I'll always be thankful to C/Lip for that. I also found a whole new group of friends, some I met in NY in Jan & Ill never forget them or the wonderful time we had, if it hadn't been for QaF, it never would of happened,,many thanks your'e wonderful,,*waves* SP xxxx

[on-the-ground.livejournal.com]

Hell, that's really disappointing.. what a stupid person.. I think judging something you don't know about is really awful so yeah, forget about her ;)

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Thanks for that LOL, yes I'll forget her, it'll take a little time, but I will, I can't stand people who judge others & believe me shes not fucking perfect either,,take care Sexy P

[ozchique.livejournal.com]

Hugs my darling. No-one should be judged on what they watch or what they believe in or who they admire or any of that stuff, we should be judged on our kindness, our loyalty and our treatment of others. You know yourself you are the best person you can be and I'm sorry that you've lost a very good friend, but you deserve to be treated so much better. And yes, we are all here for you. Every. Single. Day. Without question.

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Ahh thanks Mel, brought a tear to my eye, your words are so kind & thoughtful & yes I am a good person & friend, but obviously not her kind of friend,,hugs to you hope your well,,Jackie

[llvoncan.livejournal.com]

Jackie;
I am so sorry for this happening to such a open and wonderful person as yourself. It's like you have a disease now when you haven't changed one bit from the wonderful friend you were to begin with. What happened to you is what happens to so many gays when their "friends" find out. My son lost more than one friend when that happened-like he was somehow different the next day than when the person didn't know.
Though when some of his classmates had a get together over the holidays, he found out that one has come out as a lesbian and one is bisexual. So hopefully he was the catalyst that allowed that to happen to those young people who went to a Christian school and have heard the "going to hell" speech a million times.
You're right though-I wouldn't give up my FRIENDS online for a million dollars. They have been the ones I could go to for answers and just general loving friendship. Who cares if it is in cyberspace.
We love you!!

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

So sorry your son has had to put up with such bullshit, people honestly piss me off, so self rightous, I hate that, Ill be fine, & I love my weird & disgusting friends, thank God for QaF, I still miss it every week of my life, pathetic I know LOL,,but its my life & I love it, every single part of it,,hope your well, I never chat to you enough lately,,by Jackie

[rapunzel50.livejournal.com]

Hello from " weird & disgusting" .....
Just "fuck em all"!!! What a bitch, you are the nicest, kindest gal I know!! It is a real shame, but if that is her attitude you don't need her at all. We will be here for you and we're not going anywhere soon (except to visit you on Sunday lol)!!!
*BIG hugs and kisses* ♥

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Hi you,,ILY "fuck em all" LMAO, thats what I love about you, theres no holding back,& yes its a shame but I'm OK, more PISSED OFF then anything else, I love my life & my LJ & internet friends, & I love Gale Harold as well *grins*, but you already knew that didn't you??? can't wait to see you,,hugs Jackie

[severina2001.livejournal.com]

Aww darling. I am lucky in that my friends accept me totally for who I am and I've never had to deal with an issue like that. You are smart not to even bother calling her... life is too short to waste time on the negative. Focus on the positive! *kisses*

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Hey thanks for the kind words & kisses, & no I wont be calling her, shes not worth it, I have so many more things to do with my time,,like talk to you LOL, hugs SP